A Nine-month Flashback a.k.a. My No-Starbucks-At-My-Own-Expense Week

There's a philosophy that goes "for humility, look back and remember where you came from."

As much as possible, we do our best to take control of our lives -- discerning the areas we would like to improve and acting on it -- but there are also moments that we tend to do a little too much. These past few months had been very experimental for me in almost every fiber of my being --physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and habitually. There were times when you are on a roll accomplishing task after task; but there are those where you are at the verge of quitting --not necessarily on your job but on yourself at your weakest point. It's hard to handle, all these raging thoughts that you seem to can't put into words while staying strong for you not to lose composure. When things get out of hand, I always put into mind that tough situations are inevitable and to some extent, uncontrollable; but you always have the option to manage your perspective, forgive yourself and polish your imperfections. 

I have also learned that there is such thing as contradicting views in terms of reading people. You can either be misinterpreted or you could have done not-so-nice actions that you didn't mean to do. It's as if what you wanted to be perceived for improvement and self-empowerment purposes may be misinterpreted; versus unconsciously doing the opposite that worsens the situation.

In order for me to cope with all the stress and frustration, I always make sure to take a step back and re-evaluate myself. And my way of doing such "self-inspection" is to travel down memory lane. 

It puts me back to perspective. 

It allows me to restate my goals and double check if I still want those things. 

It gives me a sense of judgement if my actions right now help me on achieving those goals. 

It creates me a sense of urgency in terms of measuring self-improvement. 

It energizes me whenever I feel like this job isn't for me; only to find out all these time, it wasn't the job but myself. 

It gives me a smack of reality that this opportunity wouldn't be here forever given that I won't push myself to do better in the coming days.

But what's best about looking back is realizing how far you have made it, asking yourself 'why give up now?' and restoring the faith on yourself and converting these into better results. 

Nine months ago, I was just at home waiting for an opportunity to come.

Nine months ago, I was so guarded with myself because I was afraid to fail.

Nine months ago, I was daydreaming on what life would be after college.

Nine months ago, I was so scared of reality because I don't see myself smart and competitive enough to face it.

Nine months ago, I was just an average college student who was so hard and disappointed with herself because I can't seem to reach my own expectations.

Nine months ago, I would heavily sigh seeing my parents work hard and struggle just to give our family a comfortable life. It was painful seeing them grow old and couldn't enjoy their own money just so they can give everything we want and need. 

Nine months ago, I was naive, insecured in so many aspects and in the dark amidst uncertainty.

Nine months later, I have a nice office in Bonifacio Global City (which is by the way what I wished for when I was in college) having the most supportive, honest and positive team probably amongst all teams in the company.

Nine months later, I would fearlessly plunge ahead and choose to be a go-getter rather than be afraid.

Nine months later, I took this huge opportunity for a 20-year old to truly change her life in so many levels.

Nine months later, I have colleagues who believe in me, and state beautiful uplifting things that never crossed my mind I possess.

Nine months later, I am still given the privilege to not just change my life, but give my family financial freedom and arrive at a certain point where I can let my parents enjoy their hard-earned money.

Nine months later, I was told I am strong but keep on allowing myself to be weak at times. I cannot say that  I am emotionally stable now because I have not arrived at that point YET; but I am doing way better than I was before. 

Nine months later, I still don't have a sale yet but the way I see these struggles energizes me more to fight back. I remember the saying I have watched somewhere, "you are already in pain. Get a reward from it." But for me, it's more than a reward. It's more of ripping your hard work and giving yourself a pat in the back for a job well done in general; for having a stronger character, for not giving up and for achieving the goals that may seem daunting before. 

Nine months later, I realized how blessed I am and how God gave me those detours before that led me here. 

Nine months later, I am nothing but thankful. :)

P.S. I have vowed not to buy my daily Starbucks morning coffee staple for a week (except Monday) to save money and as a means of reminding me to stay humble and that I am not yet entitled to such luho. Just a little self-discipline shenanigans! Peace!