Confessions of a Falling Star: When You Are A Big Fan of Stars in the Sky

star  (stär)

n.

1.

a. A self-luminous celestial body consisting of a mass of gas held together by its own gravity in which the energy generated by nuclear reactions in the interior is balanced by the outflow of energy to the surface, and the inward-directed gravitational forces are balanced by the outward-directed gas and radiation pressures.

b. Any of the celestial bodies visible at night from Earth as relatively stationary, usually twinkling points of light.

c. Something regarded as resembling such a celestial body.

2. A graphic design having five or more radiating points, often used as a symbol of rank or merit.

3.

a. An artistic performer or athlete whose leading role or superior performance is acknowledged.

b. One who is highly celebrated in a field or profession.

4.

a. An asterisk (*).

b. The star key on a telephone: For customer service, press star.

5. A white spot on the forehead of a horse.

6. A planet or constellation of the zodiac believed in astrology to influence personal destiny.

7. stars The future; destiny. Often used with the.

adj.

1. Outstanding or famous, especially in performing something: a star researcher; a star figure skater.

2. Of or relating to a star or stars.

v. starred, star·ring, stars

v.tr.

1.

a. To ornament with stars.

b. To award or mark with a star for excellence.

2. To mark with an asterisk.

3. To present or feature (a performer) in a leading role.

v.intr.

1. To play the leading role in a theatrical or film production.

2. To do an outstanding job; perform excellently.

Source: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/star

Of all the definitions mentioned above, the first one is my favorite. Figuratively, it captures the solid definition of being a performer in sales.



**I honestly lost track of my train of thought about this post. I have already forgotten about this draft. But for some reason, there's a pull of heart string whenever I read the title. And I guess all I can say is I can totally relate with the first definition.

To be a star in this line of job is pretty hard to sustain. It's been several months since I wrote this draft, and until now, I am still on the process of reviving myself.

I hope things will be okay soon. 

Introductory Entry of Confessions of A Falling Star

There are a lot of reflections that need to be done. Mostly are pertaining to how 2014 had been for me so far. Most certainly, I just need another thinking time again to make sense of what's happening. Some people say I am a thinker more than a doer. Perhaps that is the main reason why I love writing...so that I can see right through my eyes what my thoughts are because they all come so fast like a rush that make all of it so hard to digest.

I have always needed to write things down so that I can absorb it better. Now, we'll see how I can figure out to fix this life of mine through writing yet again on this blog.

Oddly, I am still at the office. I still want to work -- make calls, send e-mails and text updates -- but there is someone in me that says I need to stop for a while and just write everything down. This is me again in a situation of getting a grip, because lately, I have been so restless. I cannot stay home. I cannot stay at one place. For me, I cannot be stuck with my situation now. I hope, after this entry or entries, I will be more calm and more focused on my goals.

It scares me to write all the things I went and have been going through; but fear cannot be defeated without looking on its eye, right? Perhaps, this is the right time to be brave.

They say "Fortune Favors the Brave," so let us see if I can finally break free from all these coma --mentally, emotionally, spiritually but thank God, not physically! I am still so blessed after all.

My manager always tells me that wherever you will be put in life, problems never stop. It really never will...and it is so true! It just depends on how you see and deal with these things.

Perhaps, these past few months, I sort of lost myself. I sort of lost God. And I sort of forgot my purpose.

But I am happy again because I find myself 1) Spending alone time again in the office joyfully and recollecting myself, and 2) I am writing on this blog again.

They say do not post anything personal on the web, because your privacy will be revealed. But for me, at the end of the day, I just want to find myself again and to be an inspiration on people who goes through the same things or if this is in the books already, somebody will stumble upon these entries just in time when they need it the most.

I know I am ready to be okay and to be better again, because of this perfect indication I know very well; I cannot stop typing spontaneously without thinking so hard on what to write. I am sure most of you know this feeling...like when you are writing on your diary every night.

So here goes fixing the life of me. ;)

When things get out of control and you need to hear yourself a little more...

Dear Vrigette,

Welcome back! You finally made time to something you are longing so much to do, and to the one thing that makes you sane...WRITING. :) 

For sure, you have thought of coming back so many times --of sharing what you are going through (may it be a thing of wonder or a rough day or even the negativity you seem to feel that you want to shake off). Now, make time and let such wisdom and random thoughts flow. 

You need it.

Love,

Yourself

Why, hello there, stranger! It's been a while. :)

I have been thinking about how will I plot my feats and great life-turning experiences  into words, but I cannot seem to find the right ones to give justice on how joyful and heart-warming these past few months had been.

But I guess that is how each and everyone of us start. We choose our words so carefully to describe the moments so special in our hearts, that we want to share it exactly how we felt it. And when you share your own feats, the goose bumps that entail with these, and how INCREDIBLE your life turned around exactly how you want it to be, you cannot contain your happiness yet again; making you reminisce about all the good things that happened after the storm...or perhaps months of crazy tsunami! Truly, calm seas never made a skillful sailor. :)

(I used the word INCREDIBLE because I remember during my elementary days, when I still read my pocket Miriam Webster Dictionary when I'm bored, I was in awe of how this word was formed. "IN" is inserted when you pertain to "NOT" as a suffix connected to a word and "CRED" means "believe." So it is a perfect way to describe all the things that happened to me now. THEY ARE ALL INCREDIBLE!!!! My heart is so happy. Surely, there are still a lot of ups and downs but I feel so much better now. I thank God for everything I have been through, no matter how hard they are or how many tears I shed, because I can truly say they're all worth it.)

A few days ago, I got a message from my dear manager, ms. Kim. :) She copy pasted my Nine-Month Flashback post, and told me to read it again. I was in tears upon reading all my struggles, frustrations and personal goals and realizing they all came to life in a span of weeks when I accepted and embraced with an open and happy heart all the hard things that are happening to me; because I believed everything will pass -- good or bad. This blog had been so personal to me. I usually don't, for the lack of a better word, promote it because this blog had been my avenue when I uplift myself. It is too sacred that I wanted it to touch lives. But since that time, I felt that these are just pure drama (because I believe everyone has their own battle to fight, so I don't have the right to promote my rant); only to realize that it can be an inspiration to my teammates, and to uplift their heavy hearts with countless frustrations that we are destined to face in our line of job.

What I am so so so so super kaduper sincerely happy about is how my strong desire to help my family came true. Reading my past blog posts help me realign my goals again. I was in tears when reading my blog posts and thinking how amazing God turned my life around, exactly when He knew I was ready. I was so scared to fight, because I was thinking I cannot make it because of the bullshit I store in my head. But what I am fortunate of is the character He had instilled in me to surpass all those negativity that come along the way.

Earlier, I've said I was having a hard time choosing my words carefully, because I wanted every blog post to be so memorable -- only to realize based on my previous posts that when you make sure you just type down what's in your heart, and the desires from the utmost of your being, there are no wrong words to say. I have realized how powerful my words were, and how it helped me set my mind in terms of achieving my goals, and maintaining a light heart. I have learned from my mistakes, and those words helped me not to do it again.

Despite the new struggle I am facing now, I am really scared and in panic mode. But what I know now is that I have the character and will to fight this battle again. I am so in love with life, that I am willing to plunge again on the cliff of uncertainty. and that my dear Lord will help me get pass through it.

Yet again, there are so many things and moments I'd like to share in this blog. I should allow myself to have a time for it. :) Because one of the desires of my heart is for every sales man to experience the adrenaline and the exhilarating sigh of relief that things will be perfectly just fine in God's time. :)


For now, I shall go back to encoding my CASs and updating my clients...

And after a few months of silence in this blog, one of the things I can sincerely say until now is...I have never been so in love with my job than I am now. :) And I thank God for it. :)

A Nine-month Flashback a.k.a. My No-Starbucks-At-My-Own-Expense Week

There's a philosophy that goes "for humility, look back and remember where you came from."

As much as possible, we do our best to take control of our lives -- discerning the areas we would like to improve and acting on it -- but there are also moments that we tend to do a little too much. These past few months had been very experimental for me in almost every fiber of my being --physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and habitually. There were times when you are on a roll accomplishing task after task; but there are those where you are at the verge of quitting --not necessarily on your job but on yourself at your weakest point. It's hard to handle, all these raging thoughts that you seem to can't put into words while staying strong for you not to lose composure. When things get out of hand, I always put into mind that tough situations are inevitable and to some extent, uncontrollable; but you always have the option to manage your perspective, forgive yourself and polish your imperfections. 

I have also learned that there is such thing as contradicting views in terms of reading people. You can either be misinterpreted or you could have done not-so-nice actions that you didn't mean to do. It's as if what you wanted to be perceived for improvement and self-empowerment purposes may be misinterpreted; versus unconsciously doing the opposite that worsens the situation.

In order for me to cope with all the stress and frustration, I always make sure to take a step back and re-evaluate myself. And my way of doing such "self-inspection" is to travel down memory lane. 

It puts me back to perspective. 

It allows me to restate my goals and double check if I still want those things. 

It gives me a sense of judgement if my actions right now help me on achieving those goals. 

It creates me a sense of urgency in terms of measuring self-improvement. 

It energizes me whenever I feel like this job isn't for me; only to find out all these time, it wasn't the job but myself. 

It gives me a smack of reality that this opportunity wouldn't be here forever given that I won't push myself to do better in the coming days.

But what's best about looking back is realizing how far you have made it, asking yourself 'why give up now?' and restoring the faith on yourself and converting these into better results. 

Nine months ago, I was just at home waiting for an opportunity to come.

Nine months ago, I was so guarded with myself because I was afraid to fail.

Nine months ago, I was daydreaming on what life would be after college.

Nine months ago, I was so scared of reality because I don't see myself smart and competitive enough to face it.

Nine months ago, I was just an average college student who was so hard and disappointed with herself because I can't seem to reach my own expectations.

Nine months ago, I would heavily sigh seeing my parents work hard and struggle just to give our family a comfortable life. It was painful seeing them grow old and couldn't enjoy their own money just so they can give everything we want and need. 

Nine months ago, I was naive, insecured in so many aspects and in the dark amidst uncertainty.

Nine months later, I have a nice office in Bonifacio Global City (which is by the way what I wished for when I was in college) having the most supportive, honest and positive team probably amongst all teams in the company.

Nine months later, I would fearlessly plunge ahead and choose to be a go-getter rather than be afraid.

Nine months later, I took this huge opportunity for a 20-year old to truly change her life in so many levels.

Nine months later, I have colleagues who believe in me, and state beautiful uplifting things that never crossed my mind I possess.

Nine months later, I am still given the privilege to not just change my life, but give my family financial freedom and arrive at a certain point where I can let my parents enjoy their hard-earned money.

Nine months later, I was told I am strong but keep on allowing myself to be weak at times. I cannot say that  I am emotionally stable now because I have not arrived at that point YET; but I am doing way better than I was before. 

Nine months later, I still don't have a sale yet but the way I see these struggles energizes me more to fight back. I remember the saying I have watched somewhere, "you are already in pain. Get a reward from it." But for me, it's more than a reward. It's more of ripping your hard work and giving yourself a pat in the back for a job well done in general; for having a stronger character, for not giving up and for achieving the goals that may seem daunting before. 

Nine months later, I realized how blessed I am and how God gave me those detours before that led me here. 

Nine months later, I am nothing but thankful. :)

P.S. I have vowed not to buy my daily Starbucks morning coffee staple for a week (except Monday) to save money and as a means of reminding me to stay humble and that I am not yet entitled to such luho. Just a little self-discipline shenanigans! Peace!

The Ulterior Motive Of A 20-Year-Old-Millionaire-Wannabe

Most people might say that wishing to be a millionaire at twenty might not sound right.

Some may say we are...

1. Too greedy pertaining on their thoughts to shop 'til they drop;

2. Too idealistic pertaining to this bubble of a usual fresh-out-of-college kid have when they finally got the go signal to make the world as their oyster;

3. Too lucky if they achieve such goal because they don't even have bills to pay yet -- no rent to think about, no utilities expense because they're still practically living with their parents and probably might get discouraged to work harder the next time because they stumbled upon such opportunity so easily;

4. Too hard to reach pertaining to the simultaneously non-stop quivering questions:

Where and how will you get your first or first few millions at twenty?

And given that there's a way to earn that amount, can and will this twenty-year-old be able to handle all the pressure and stress that entail with such prestige?

This may be too much inspiration extracted from watching The Apprentice Asia and hearing Jonathan Yabut speak--but I am one of the few twenty-year-olds that will withstand and declare these three points:

1. Earning a million or two at the age of twenty is possible; 

2. Not all fresh graduates face a responsibility-free/carefree life;

3. And with the right attitude and perspective, yes we can handle the pressure and stress --might get emotional sometimes, but you can never question a youth's fighting spirit especially when they are fighting for a reason so dear to them.

Here's my side of the story:

        I graduated from DLSU, but that doesn't mean I came from an extremely well-off family. I got my diplomat at twenty years old, which was just a few months ago. Surely, it was fun and humbling to carry the pride of being a La Sallian; but for reality to smack you at the face saying it's time to use that tool and privilege to help your family is a big responsibility to take.

        I want to be a millionaire at twenty to experience that exhilarating sigh of relief that every month, all our bills are covered. My mom wouldn't have to worry where to get, just in case the clinic is not doing well or if the allowance from my dad will be delayed for a few days or if he's out of the country, weeks. I want to treat my family to dinner whenever and wherever they want. I want to receive a call from my parents telling me that there's a huge expense they're not expecting to have, and arrive at that priceless moment when I'll assure them not to worry because I got it all covered. I want to treat them for a family trip abroad we've been longing to have. I want to have a bonding session with my mom and be able to shop for her; or as simple as treating my dad for coffee or a hearty breakfast and just sit there with him while reading our own newspapers. I want to give decent gifts to my family where I'll see their wide-eyed shocked expression when they realize my gifts to them are those they've been wanting to have but can't. I want to ensure that I will be able to assist my parents on giving my brother not just the best education, but the best environment and culture there is. I want to provide my own needs as well, take a step closer to the image of my ideal and just be comfortable on my own skin without worrying what others might say about me, because by that time, I'll most probably feel secured, independent, strong-willed and someone that had proved she can handle herself. I want to experience the finer things in life, not alone but with my family, friends and colleagues so dear to me. I want to look back and have a smile on my face realizing that all the hard work and struggles were worth it, that I wouldn't take the path I'm in any other way.

          I want to be a sophisticated and independent young lady that is able to enjoy life because she worked hard for it, to not be a hot mess but be a beautiful twisted sunshine, to be a daughter that my parents can be proud of, to be a sister that my brother will always look up and seek advice to, to be trusted by my manager that I will perform by hook or by crook, to be known as a hard and smart worker by her colleagues which they may see as an inspiration, to be known as a person who didn't celebrate her own feat alone but still surrounded herself by loving family, friend and colleagues. I want to be that sophisticated lady whom everyone would say she deserves wherever she is and whatever she has now.

         I have decided to put these thoughts here in my blog to serve as an inspiration and motivation to work harder and smarter. Right now, my status in the job that I have now is really not good. I am being depressed, getting frustrated and on the verge of giving up because I can't perform even some of the most basic requirements. But at the end of the day, I always question myself if I could have seized the day more, if I could have done better in all aspects, and if I could have gotten more quality and qualified clients. What baffles me is my always answer is yes. I know I am capable; I know I can find a way despite the variance of support even on the farthest of my network; but why do I always allow the day to eat me alive and choke such talents and abilities that I have? Time isn't on my side now, and I can probably lose my job next month if I continue to work like this.

This blog post is a simple way to fuel myself fully again, especially now that I have been running out of wisdom and will to fight.

This blog post will always remind me of why am I here even if almost everything isn't going my way.

This blog post will always remind me of who I want to be and what future do I want -- not just for me but for my family as well.

On a lighter note, I am blessed that God prepared me for this. He had given me parents that taught me how to deal difficult times on my own. He had given me obstacles before that taught me how to be strong and resilient. He had given me enough wisdom to help myself carry on. He had given me this level of maturity at such a young age, because He knows I believe I am destined for greatness. And knowing how blessed I am no matter how difficult the instances are now, I know I will survive and I will make it.

My vision of a 2014 version of Vrig is something like this:

Simple but elegant, classy and with subtance.

TRANSLATION NO. 1: If you didn't reach the stars, at least you fell in the roof! 

TRANSLATION NO. 2: Libre mangarap! Teehee. :) 

Getting A Grip

It is a given fact that life in general is not hearts and flowers. All the more should our expectations be at work or what we decided as our chosen career. Surely, when we settled to spend a coupe of years in one place, there will be rosy days and how-bad-moments at the same time. At this point, I cannot translate into words further how my frustrations and shortcomings try to get the best of me. It has been a series of failures week after week, and I cannot point directly which method should I take to uplift myself. Perhaps my "saving grace" to help me carry on is the saying, "Success is ninety percent failure." You may say I am a bit childish to settle on cliches and quotes to give myself a push, but when you're in the dark, when you can't give yourself optimism any longer, it all boils down to the little ways you do to motivate yourself. The obligation to motivate ourselves shouldn't be given to a family, friend or colleague --sure, they would love to support you but they have their own battles too. Being strong and resilient are two different things that complement each other very well. When you're strong, you can take all the punches and accept it. But without resiliency, one cannot bounce back better. Perhaps, that's one of the many things I'd have to learn more. I'd love to arrive on that point wherein when someone asks me to describe myself, I can truly and genuinely say that I am resilient; that without any shame, I can tell stories on how I became resilient on different situations, especially on my career, and let others be inspired by it. All this time, I know my worst enemy in terms of being resilient is myself. I've learned it the hard way, that's why I cannot let it happen again. And so in a few hours, I will once again go to the office, face my battles and hopefully win it after all these struggles. 

EYES ON THE PRIZE.